Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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