So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize