I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
