There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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