Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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