mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
