his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him