I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.