I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"