Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
