im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what day is it and did you see me today?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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