i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
