I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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