just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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