I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
