Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize