I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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