I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
