i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
