that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
