My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
