Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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