Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
