just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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