Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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