I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
