who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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