Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
