??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
