My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize