I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
