Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
