Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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