I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
