Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
