My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
