I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
