Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
