Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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