Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
