youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
