Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
