I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's the barista slut.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
