i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
