I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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