This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
