I wish life had little blips of pornography
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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