MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
