so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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