My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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