Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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