He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
