I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
