just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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