Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
