I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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