The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
