Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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